"will we need alanis?"

Today I was negotiating with rose which artists or songs to include in our mp3 players to listen to for the duration of our exciting exploration of Sagada beginning Thursday night :-D

I already have an idea of rosey cheeks’ playlist, so that made it easier to scrap common songs off my list. Except I have 1,001 songs in mind all hoping to make it to the Sagada soundtrack and it drives me crazy. I need to remind myself that I don't have to have all my favorite songs there with me, just the ones I feel I would need most for said trip. Hah. Still, that really doesn’t make everything a lot simpler. I keep imagining the moods I'll be in – while shivering in aircondioned buses, waiting for jeepneys; probably panting as we climb up and chase after the guide; sitting around a bonfire for 3 nights; staring into space; meditating in the darkness; prepping to write precious thoughts in the travel journal…stuff like that.

At the moment, my playlist includes lots of Wilco, Third Eye Blind, Jamie Cullum, Grey’s Anatomy’s Tegan and Sarah, HelloGoodbye, Maria Mena, Madonna (!) and Maroon 5 and songs from not-so-favorite artists, songs that just get to me. I should still add Marley, just in case we come across some pot, wehehe. I asked Rose to keep lisa loeb and alanis in her stash :-D

Anyway, I got myself a mix of happy, trippy, rock tunes, and haunting, emo melodies that's meant to bruise you to the bones. Haha. Hello my masochistic tendencies :-D I still have to cross out 25 songs to suit my verylimitedmemory ipod. But I got 2 days to streamline and come up with the really essential stuff ;-)

Not that the 2 days would help keep me sane. It’s been more than 2 months since I embarked on another wardrobe downsizing project and my bed’s still filled with both my office and gimmick rags which cause me, for weeks now to camp down on the living room floor every night to sleep with Michael scofield in the background :-D I should never buy any more clothes! From now on, I’ll just buy shoes. Wahehehe

Rudie caught me offguard last night, as i was rinsing off my white blouses that i forgot i had soaked in pride detergent in between Prison Break episodes, and she asked pointing to a pair of navy sneakers "do u still want these?" i said No.

While I was out watching Spiderman 3, drooling over Harry, and mocking Peter turning mushy, roomie rudie had transformed our living room from the prisoncell that it had seemed for days now to an almost sparkling safe haven :-P She had also filled up a big box of clothes to give away. Pointing to another pair, the camel colored ones, she pursued "what about these?" Hmm, no. Then on to the 3rd pair, which involved 5 seconds of internal processing, [those are my MaNGo sneakers!] I said, okay i guess. i haven't worn it for more than a year. [it's actually masikip]. In 15 seconds, i gave away 3 pairs of sneakers and 1 pair of black leather slip ons. It's almost as exhilarating as rappelling facing down. Which i haven't done :-P

This isn't the first time though, and it doesn't always have to take another person's prodding to make me let go :-D But I don't mind the shortcut that it serves ;-)

If only giving up men were even half as easy as giving away clothes. :-P

Even after you've let them go and actually meant when you said good riddance, there’s no marked sense of exhilaration. Mostly, you just feel empty. I was talking to a friend last week about realizing that I don't need to be with a guy whos’ this and that, and blah blah blah.

He cheered me on and asked if the realization felt good. Well, not really. It was more than pleasant but I wasn't ecstatic :-D (Did i expect to feel ecstatic? Kelangan ba talaga ganun? :-P)

Parang kelangan ko mag-emote. Mag-sob. Mag- feel bad. Mag-whine and pine. But NO. It seems I don't have it in me. What does it feel like to be wearing your heart on your sleeve? I used to, Im sure. Yep, I used to go crazy over someone. But not now. And I really feel weird about it :-) Maybe those piercing songs in my soundtrack can help ;-)

Ang gulo ko. Ewan ko ba. Sabi nga ni alanis, isn't it ironic? ;-)