what can you say when a love affair is over?

tonight i can write the coldest lines.

an ex-bf (nov 2002 - october 2003) thru the courtesy of a gf, left me a painting at the office, his own work of art. it's a "collage" of images that tell of our life together a few years ago. Elephants, beer, vodka, the MRT, ym chat, CDs, coffee mugs, water heater, cellphones, pictures, peanuts, noodles. We were all that. But of course too, we were more than that.

The moment I completely unwrapped it, I said, Oh this is so sad. And then I felt strange. Because I didn't FEEL sad at all. I looked at it again, pored over it for 5 more minutes, smiling, grinning, remembering. But still I felt nothing. Jobim's how insensitive play in my head. I just think it strange because it "should" be one of those things that would make one cry. It should make me cry. Our life together was one of the best romantic moments of my life. Challenging but oh so wonderful. How can I think about it and not "emote"? And yet I really don't.

I am sad for him for it seems "we"somehow, still mean a lot to him for him to make that. I am sorry that it's not anymore as meaningful to me. I am sorry for him because I do not feel sorry at all. That life with him, it was mostly fun and enriching, insightful and unforgettable. But I do not yearn to have it back. That life with him is over, with only the painting to show for it and to me, that's enough. I guess I really have moved on, and there's just no apologizing for that.

I don't even miss him as much as I miss another. But I don't miss that other too much at all. And while I may miss them all at some point in time, I know that right now, I am more preoccupied with sharing more beautiful romantic moments with somebody new (whoever he may be) and that makes me happy. ;-)