Phantom of "my opera"

as my 7-year old niece likes to say, "I've got issues."

So that I hate it that the movie didn’t provide enough scenes to show how Christine and Raoul’s love developed. I want so much to know that Christine loved Raoul and not just ‘settled’ with him because he was the far safer bet. Does she really love him? Does she love him more than she loves the phantom? What made her choose Raoul??? I ask these silly questions even when I am such a person who believes that feelings are fluid, and that one could be loving two or more in totally different ways.

So that my extreme dislike for the Phantom is really about those men with macho perspective who continue to frustrate me. I hate his selfishness and the way he wanted to possess and control the young girl. He may have been half handsome with a powerful voice, but I simply detest his behaviour. Such a big bad boy. Brat. Hmp. I don’t like those types anymore. (Watching it for the third time last Saturday, I am starting to feel more kindly towards him, hehe.)

(In the back of my mind, I also wonder, do I detest him because I actually fear him and the passion that he represents?) Do I fear him the way I suppose I fear that I shall never be content with any primary relationship? Perhaps it was really all about my co-worker/friend telling me to try being a one-man-woman for a change, might just enjoy it. And it was about me insisting but I AM a one-man-woman!

Perhaps their love-triangle “echoed” my own love conflicts. Somehow it seems it speaks of the way I know I am able to love deeply and yet, I am also one who gets easily distracted so that sometimes I love for the silliest and superficial of reasons. Im the girl who will order the Cheesecake,etc flavor – Kiwi something just because it's new, even when i know it’s the berry temptation I always enjoy best.

But many times I get to thinking, true passion lies in friendship! And friendship, however dynamic, is constant and reliable.

So that Raoul singing All I Ask of You moved me in incredible ways, and moves me still. The loving, adoring look in his eyes while he was singing to comfort Christine, the tender way he kissed her temple while she sang in response. His desire to be a part of the world of the woman he loves. Anywhere you go, let me go too. I want to be embraced that way. I want to be loved that way.

So that cinematic flaws and all, I have gone to the movies and watched it three times, and still intend to view it at least twice more just for the pleasure of creating chaos in my already conflicted aquarian mind ;-)