a loooooooong bit of silliness

presently, i am at my desk devouring a cup of mcdonald's hotfudge sundae. usually, i'd drink a liter of Coke to cure a hangover, but sundae's more than okay today. (maybe i should have another cup. the one i hid inside the ref for my co-worker.) :-D oh, but by usually... i mean, only until 2004 coz somehow, when 2005 came, i suddenly found myself drinking alcohol really moderately. i haven't gotten drunk in 2 years! wow.

someone tried to wake me up at 6 and my room was spinning. i came to the office at close to 11. @ 1130, with fingers, arms and legs shaking, this diva in bangkokskirt-worn-as-tube, and skinny cream pants, gracefully cooked chicken tinola. mmmm..sarap! ;)) naloka ang mga officemates ko kasi di ako kumain ng rice. lahat nagtanong kung nag-d-diet na ba ako. haha. oo naloka talaga sila. like it's something sensational. so sabi ko, hindi, im not on a diet, i just really need liquids right now. hehehe.

Last night was a classic drunken night for me, i'm quite amused to say. I talked to everyone. :-D i had very interesting conversations (that im now hoping to remember. or forget? :-D) i sang more songs this time compared to 2 weeks ago. I was again with former officemates coz I was supposed to have a meeting with 2 of them for an upcoming forum we jointly sponsored. Because of lack of time, we decided to attempt to hold a meeting in between singing and playing billiards, and sipping beer.

Early in the evening, was in a conversation with Virgo R, my idol, my nominee for youngmen's role model. ;-) He was having "problems" with his long-distance relationship but i told him it's an exciting challenge coz all your issues come up and out when you're in a relationship, and it's always a source of more learning. :-) Happy ako na nag-emote sha, kasi dati, ako lang ng ako yung emote whenever i see him.

Like i said before, my ex now works for that former office, so he was there last night too. i've been ignoring him for a long time now, and in that roomful of people (and billiards table), I managed to have chitchats with everyone, but not even a nod of recognition for him. 5 bottles down and i saw him in a corner drinking beer. i went to him, faced him, smiled, and ‘clink-ed’ my beer bottle against his. He smiled and clink-ed back. Then I walked away. I didn’t want a conversation. It's such a fun fun night and I guess I just wanted there to be only positive energies whenever we find ourselves in a close circle. Even though I told him in a letter I mailed to him recently that I do not care for us to be friends. Not after he’s been horrid. (I mentally take note that whenever I refer to him and our past interaction, I am still claiming how he’s been this and that, without accounting for how I had been to him, how I treated him. Actually, it’s not that he hurt me deliberately. It was just the way he was. Hopefully, he’s a better, happier person now.) (Today, i went to their office, to finally have that meeting and i was in their room and i ignored him again. i just didn't feel like being nice.)

2 weeks ago @ videoke, he didn’t sing. But last night, I heard his singing voice again, after 2003 when we were together. I remember I often asked him to sing to me, at odd hours of the night. Uy reminiscing – not. :-p anyway, so yun he sang this tagalog song by Sharon cuneta. Haha. I was inspired to request a tagalog one for me too. He also sang that once popular lovesong called Somebody, by Depeche Mode and I thought if Grow Old With You is the song of selfless Cancers, then Somebody must be song of selfish Crabs. Hehe don’t get me wrong. I used to really like that song. Except that when he sang it, it just sounded so selfish. I want somebody who would do this and that, be this and that, to me. Etc. Aaarrrgghhh, what am I doing? I’m attacking a song! I must have “issues”. Hehehe.

At one point, the song Patience came up, and as there was an extra mic, i took it and sang along, not caring who actually requested it and is singing it. which then happened to be him. Ooops. But deadma na. Sing pa rin ang lola. Wehehehe we sang together but from 2 corners of the room.

He sang a few more songs, and there was one (or 2?) moments when I smiled sadly to myself. Sana, minahal mo ko. Sana, naging mabait ka sakin. Sana, di ka mashadong magulo noon. Siguro okay tayo ngayon, magkaibigan. If only you had been kind, we could be in this same room tonight and I’d be friendly to you and we’d be talking and laughing. I wish I have a happier, kinder memory of you :-(

So then, one of my requested songs came up, Sana ay Ikaw Na Nga and I must have sung it so solemnly that nobody dared to sing along. Hahaha. What they, save one, didn’t know was that I used to sing that in videoke when I was in love with him and frustrated that he couldn’t believe me. Thus, anong kailangan kong gawin, upang malaman mo, ikaw ay minamahal ko. I love the part where one sings Sumpa ko sa sarili, hinding-hinding-hindi na, ngunit heto na naman ako. Oh to be young and in love and frightened. I used to think we were really special, like soulmates so that with my heart full of warmth, I croon, Ikaw talaga’y ibang-iba, sa lahat ng nakilala. Sana ay ikaw na nga. Charot! Malaking ka-charot-an! Hehehe :-D Later, somebody requested it again, and though I was close to wasted at this point, I saw my ex holding the mic and singing. I came over, and I probably looked as if he took something of mine and I now want to grab it back, so that he readily gave the mic to me and I sang again. Wehehe.

Other songs, a duet with B for Galileo coz it’s mostly monotonous (though I love the lyrics) and I only really like to sing the refrain… how long till my soul gets it right, can any human being ever reach that kind of light, I call on the resting soul, of Galileo, king of nightvision, king of insight. That Thing You Do. I just love this. Oh i try and try to forget you boy, but it's just so hard to do...sounds cute. Upside Down by 2mindscrack. The boys tried to grab the mic from me coz they all wanted to sing it. But I prevailed. You're turning me on, you turn me around you turn my whole world upside down. Should i stay should i go, oh i really don't know. Baby, i've been missing you. Baby you dont understand our love lies lost but you're still holding my hand...Let me be your lover tonight.... What else? Oh, as my official last song, i requested Easy by Faith No More and grabbed virgo J for a duet. I've never actually related to the song but it reminds me of highschool and i did have so much fun in highschool. :-D

Alright, enough of that. I want to talk about what i do best when im completely, properly drunk -- Argue.

And who best to do it with than Argumentative Virgo J :-D i will attempt to recall how it started. Oh he was telling me about my ex, yes, him-who-stands-a-few-meters-away. That ex who is now a drinking buddy. He said that my ex still thinks of me. Is in love with me. (Aha! So that was why the boys were acting funny when i was singing This guy's in love with you pare. ) he must have said it over and over again, probably to try to get a more positive reaction from me but i just kept frowning, or sighing or smirking or rolling my eyes. I said "ayaw ko na eh." And it's not like my ex's feelings are absolute. I knew him to be an extremely confused guy. Sigh.

Im not sure if it was related to that conversation or (in retrospect), triggered by an old song in the videoke, virgo j suddenly said something about maturity. He said men like him/men his age? are mature whereas people like me?/people my age and younger, are i guess, immature. hah! And that's how the Great Debate started. Then it came to him asking me if i was Marxist-Leninist.

virgo J: are you marxist-leninist???
dd: i am Me!
virgo J: are you marxist-leninist???
dd: i dont care about marx and lenin, you're so high up there in your world of abstracts, you are brilliant with your theories, but i just want to know, how do you deal with people in your day to day life, how kind and unkind are you?

and more... (and yes really, we were arguing in English. hahaha! thats what beer can do.)

dd: is that a sign of maturity???
virgo J: (silent)
dd: is sending silly text messages when you're drunk a sign of maturity? is that what being marxist-leninist is all about???
virgo J: o, nag apologize na ako nun ha.
dd: yes, but i'm just stating a fact, im just asking objectively.

dd: and why do you keep telling women they are beautiful when you don't know them at all??? You don't know what makes them tick! you don't know what makes them sad, what makes them happy. and then you tell them they're beautiful expecting them to be flattered!

virgo J: (cant remember what he said, but im guessing he stammered a lot.)

i think i tried to come up with every bit of foolishness he'd done in the past and asked him each time, is that a sign of maturity??? wehehehe. (Actually, he is an okay person in my book, i do not hate him, i do not despise him, i just love to bicker ;)) ) later still, he said salbahe daw ako. my ex was nearby then, so i tapped his shoulder and said "salbahe daw ako." he said "hinde, hinde" something like that. wehehehe. talo si virgo j)


i cant remember much now, but it went on for as long as 3 bottles of beer can go down. the others would come over and try to listen. Gemini B would say, ano, mag apologize ka kay Dette2! Haha. He's a lost guy as always. Doesn't know whats going on, and always presumes his role is to protect and defend women. Siiigh. But i did appreciate that he brought me glasses of cold water when i got dizzy :-)

Virgo J tried to distract me from our debate so we talked to Comrade R and his gf. Virgo J was praising Comrade R to me, and not to be outdone, i declared, yes, I have known him since year 2000 and Comrade R is one of the kindest persons i know, and he has a beautiful soul. and i am thankful that he is in my life. Hahahahaha. (As a friend!) Comrade R then said to me, you know i was really attracted to you for a long time before J (his gf), can you just tell me what you meant by what you said when you said that I asked a lot of questions at the time? [Whoa! But that was a million years ago! How should I know?!?] In my most sober self possible, i said, I can't remember what i meant, maybe i was not ready to answer a lot of questions then coz I was probably dealing with a lot of people (read: guys I liked) and it was never going to work (read: i was never going to be his gf, because i didn't like him in THAT way.) He smiled and nodded. That was alright, i guess. :-)

So then on I went "evaluating" the other boys who were there. I said to Virgo J, look at B, i've known him since i was a college freshman. he's alright but he never listens. Tsk tsk. [insert more bits about the art of listening. ]

Much later, virgo J kept telling me i was drunk and i kept insisting i was not. So what if i didn't know which beer bottle was mine and so have to resort to drinking whichever is within reach. So what if I mess with the billiard players' games? Virgo R, my role-model, appealed to me, Dette2, wag ka muna magulo sa game na to ha? "Opo." Wahehehehe. Ang bait ko. But still, i continued to be accused of drunkenness so i grabbed one bottle of san mig light and said "look at this bottle. im not drunk. " i deliberately dropped the bottle, breaking it to many pieces. "see, im not drunk." OMFG, any kind of logic behind that escapes me at the moment. :-P anyway, i think it was B who cleaned the floor :-D

~ ~ ~

i don't know how to end this. got a lot to do before i leave the office @ 630 to watch Subtext. a play about love and (mis)communication. should be exciting. ;-)