past tense

Never Existed Before Lyrics
(Riperton -Rudolph - Thedford)
So you ask me
what do I see
When I look in your eyes
I see things that have never existed before

Shall I tell you
all that I find
In those beautiful eyes
I can try But it never existed before

A silvery moon... a walk in the park
The tunnel of love... a kiss in the dark
The light of the stars... the clouds in the sky
The fireworks on the fourth of July

And you ask me what do I hear
When you whisper my name
Music plays that has never existed before
Oh, and I don't know why
But it's there just the same
And it's plain that it never existed before

The song of the rain on flowers in spring
The wind in the willow trees murmuring
The laughter that falls the children at play
Like church bells that call all the people to pray

So you ask me why do I glow
Well, I think you should know
I’m in love
And I never existed before

Saturday morning found me free to tinker with abubots and files long-ignored. Found more letters from enrico circa 2000. One of which read…”please be patient with me. I want to be there with you again. When I’m with you, can you relate to the song ‘never existed before’? That pretty much sums up what I feel about you.”

So I started singing the song and out poured the tears. Yup, singing and crying, humming and sobbing at the same time. I cried so hard (it must have alarmed the cleaning lady) and it’s really laughable. I have long since gotten over Eric and my life situation is much better since our relationship, but why is it that I always find myself in tears when I think about how it was and the thought that we didn’t last???

I wonder now if I have been traumatized and I just didn’t know it. :-/

Yesterday I was home alone since early Sunday afternoon and I had the luxury of time and clean surroundings, to reflect, reflect and reflect some more, for as long as the tea lights could burn. I got to thinking-- objectively, not too miserably mind you—that in my relationships (regardless of breakup initiator), it seems like …parang kahit minamahal nila ako, parang never akong naging Lana Lang sa isang Clark Kent, kahit na ba ayaw ko naman actually kay Lana, at mas gusto ko si Chloe, feeling ko lang, parang wala pa talagang naloka sa akin too much that it made them kung sa kanta pa, what you won’t do, you do for love kahit na ba di din naman ako convinced na kailangang maloka ang isang tao sa pagmamahal. Pero something like that. Siguro naguguluhan minsan ang universe sa aking mixed signals at magulong adhikain kaya nagkakaganito. Hmmm. Sige lang. the important thing is that one is learning. :-p