What Is Love? Hehehe.

What is the True Nature of LOVE? Take two.

Hehehe. I really don’t know. I just want to mess around with this question :-D don't expect a serious and adequate answer when you're done with my novel. haha. Im currently scribbling on scratch paper that Pansy, my new part-time roommate @ the office (when im not locked high up in the tower) so willingly provided. :-D Brownout! Hot! Inspired by Pansy’s hairdo, I borrow her other chopstick and chuck it into my hairbun. Pictures coming out soon as Meralco straightens up.

Anyway. I recently read a blogpost about someone’s premature 7-year itch. She’s bored. And sad. She doesn’t know where her 4-year relationship with a loved one is going. She misses the romance. She wants to be wooed. She’s not liking their setup right now. But she loves and is loved back. Which is a blessing. But one that also makes her very sad, I guess.

For several years now, I have not daydreamed about a ‘together forever’ with a loved one. So that a lot of love songs, wonderful though they may be, are lost on me. (Adam Sandler’s Grow Old with You, Julia fordham’s Love Moves in Mysterious Ways come to mind) Some may call it a defense mechanism due to severe commitment-phobia. I don’t know. For me, it’s not fear. It’s just me. And I don’t dislike myself for it. Some friends get the impression that I am anti-marriage. It’s not the case at all. If it works for others, then well and good. i think my stuff about marriage has more to do with some people thinking that it’s the ultimate goal in life, or that it’s a superior kind of relationship, and most importantly, their thinking that it’s a profession or career in itself, one that needs total devotion. I am not anti-marriage, but I will feel sorry for anybody who is stuck in that kind of partnership (mostly the women)— being unable to develop herself thru hobbies and activities because all the ‘burden’ of raising the children and managing the household falls on her. If marriage means sharing a house with the other, the idea doesn’t sit well with me. Do I want a permanent housemate? Bedmate? Who knows what I'd want in a year or 2? (If miracles happen and I actually live with a partner, perhaps separate bedrooms might help.)

Friendships.

Since I’m not married (and I don’t imagine seriously wearing a wedding gown and receiving wedding gifts in this lifetime) and I really don’t have a very meaningful relationship with a man at the present, I would like to talk about my friendships. Hihihi.

I have always advocated for a friendship-type of relationship with a man (oh. only because im heterosexual). I wish all relationships were like friendships. I have tried imagining it many times. It often works in that realm. But it needs some more refinement in practice. :-D

WHAT IS IT ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIPS?

There are friends I spend time with daily, some several times a week, some just on weekends, the others, once, twice a month, the others still, every 3 months, and so on… I guess it’s the friendship with friends I spend time with more regularly that can compare to another’s intimate romantic relationship.

• in those times we are to spend with other friends, there's no asking for permission. I guess this is number 1 consideration. Having spent my college years striving not to have to answer to my parents and older siblings, how can I surrender this freedom to think for myself and spend time with whoever whenever and wherever I want?

Sometimes they tell me about it, their outings with their other friends. sometimes not. When they do tell me, it’s not in a reporting kind of-way, but more in the spirit of sharing discoveries insights learnings, and trivial information. Hehe.

•Knowing my colors. “That’s a dettedette color!” Or “Dette2 slogan!” Or dette2 problem. Dette2 book. Dette2 kind of adventure! Information really that one does not learn thru a question-and-answer portion but from spending enough time with a person, serious and silly moments and everything in between, and that desire to really get to know them.

•In crises, friends need support, but I am not made to feel that I am making a huge sacrifice. I only help as much as and in just the way I can. I can be the cheerleader for only as long as I want. There’s no obligation to super extend myself. (And because there’s no obligation, one tends to share more of themselves.)

Hmmm I remember what a man said in a book I read recently. He doesn’t give his wife special gifts during christmas, not because he didn’t love his wife but because he felt it was such an obligation to give your wife something on special occassions like that. I can see his point. Much of the things I haven’t done is mainly due to resistance to do something that is expected of me. Tsk tsk.

•with friends, it's just natural that sometimes, you're not so into each other. that you'd rather spend time alone or in a crowd. friendship gives you time, space, respect and love, to be YOU @ different times - introspective, meditative, extrovert, etc. Friendship offers different shapes and sizes - a straight line, triangles, squares, and lots of circles. :-)

•This is not limited to girlfriends by the way. I have some (well, a few) guy friends who are fun to be with, fun to chat with and who sometimes, by pure intuition and perhaps from knowing how aquarian me expresses my joys and sorrows, they just seem to know there’s something up or down and theyre ready to lend an ear. Or YM time :-)


I guess a major problem I have with a ‘romantic’ relationship is that there are lots of unnecessary rules and unspoken expectations.

Some friendships come and go. Some evolve. Some drift apart. Some friendships get worked out. Otherwise, it fades away. But I rarely hear the term "a failed friendship." When a friend had a quarrel with another (was that last year?) I commented that 'breaking up' with a friend is even more painful than breaking up with a lover.

My Romance.

Here is where my dilemma lies. Romance with a man.

But we often take for granted the romance we have with friends. Why should romance only refer to the sweet stuff exchanged between those who have sexual relations (or those working to have such eventually)? What about receiving flowers from friends. Or soul cards, greeting cards, little gifts, and favors? or having very witty conversations on the phone, YM, or sms. i think it's time the word 'romance' gets really dynamic. romance with the moon. with the grass, with bright lights. with coffee. and yes, with friends.

My friendships are actually what is most meaningful to me. So that perhaps being 'intimate' with girlfriends would come naturally. Oops. But Im not that evolved! Haha!

Intimacy.

At the office recently, while some of us frog-kissers were taking a break, somebody raised the question, ‘when was your last time…’ On my part, I said it’s been a (relatively) long time. And they can’t quite believe it. So I said “well yes, it’s not that difficult to get it, but then, I want to spend time with a man that I like, that I know for sure we’re okay. That we’re friends.’ I wish for an intimacy that is not sadly inferior with the intimacy I have with my girlfriends. (hmmm this statement sounds familiar -- a girlfriend wrote something like this in her free-for-all meditation book :-))

What I feel sad about my interaction with a certain someone is that there is that potential to know each other better but it’s (for the most part) fear- and insecurity- ridden so that we always seem to disconnect from each other abruptly. Do I love the person? No more (or a little less?) than I love my friends.

Going back to that blogpost I read about, i want to tell her that maybe the romance is not that lost. that maybe it's just that downtime they're going through. Maybe one of these days, she'll wake up with breakfast in bed, or receive something silly just because it reminded him of her. i don't know how to make romance stay. does it really go away, in the first place. Maybe it works with reverse psychology, it won't come when expected ;-)

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Hmmm, i still can't quite connect all I've written to Pansy's question. Would I move a million miles away for Love? If Love is a man, hmmm. I don't know. I haven't loved any man more than I love my friends. I might move if I can, when the man is actually where I want to be at. If not, then I'll stay where I am and hope to someday go where my aquarian lust for life and adventure takes me :-)

Then again, who knows, I might 'end up' married with children and living a comfortable life in the province or in a desert. Waaaahhhh!!! Hehehehe.