an alternative resume

(In response to job openings)

On a full moon in aquarius night, I could be in a bangkok hotel room and below is a list of things I can do, practically all at the same time.

Manipulate an extensive set of very raw Econ data on Asian and Pacific countries and suffer the delicateness of Excel. Pray to finish soon as finished product need to be presented early the next day to around 70 delegates from (you guessed it) Asia and the Pacific.

Connect to the internet every 5 minutes. Thank the heavens for your memory as the username and password slip of paper has already gone missing, in the middle of the messes in the Secretariat room.

Call Smart in the Philippines for the 3rd time that day to follow up on Intl roaming request.

Attempt to open pagemaker file of workaholic senior colleague who needs to have said file printed. Fail. Try again. File corrupted. Burn a new file. File corrupted take 2. Try flashdisk. In vain. Try CD again. Finally, file opens. Tinker with file. Subsititute fonts. Print.

It's 11pm. Printer shows signs of aging. Shake printer toner.

Attend to boss who can't connect to the wi-fi. Stand behind her for half an hour, suggesting instructions. Nothing happens. Go back to desk and Excel. Also, start reading econ paper that boss needs the abstract to.

Also open powerpoint file as have been requested by Indian speaker-delegate to make his presentation. Who can say no to someone who looks like the Emperor Palpatine? Though a sith lord's wrath is always to be considered, plan to set powerpoint background color to pink. Change to green as Boss protests. :-D

Glance at the moon smiling thru the glass window. Be mesmerized. Think about lover. Think about how much you miss him. Perish dreadful thoughts of him spending time iwth interesting strangers in Baguio.

It's midnight. Wonder if he really misses you. Even though he did say he does. Trouble is brewing inside you. Plan to borrow cellphone with roaming. Gusto kong mang-away. Why is it ever so tempting to picka fight with someone you awfully miss???

Change powerpoint background color to pale yellow. Then aqua.

Ignore boss's grumbling about lost wi-fi connection. and missing cigarettes.

Sing that line you've been singing every so often today. "All we need is love...."

More Excel tinkering. Start abstract of article. Shake printer. Print. Connect to Internet.

It's 1am. Assure boss that her hubby will "get over it soon"--his resentment as she'd been mean to him early in the day. Daydream recent happy moments with lover. Smile. Glow. Re-read his messages. Type messages he sent thru co-worker's phone.

Remember that some delegates await you to visit their room for solidarity drinks. Think about friends in the Philippines. Think about coffee, movies and vodka.

It's 2am. Change powerpoint background to blue. Ignore boss' suggestion to order food. Not hungry. Want to sleep. Want to fly back to manila.

It's 3 am. Think about lover. Does he miss you? Sometimes he texts weirdly. And such a slow texter. Tsk. Get scared he doesn't miss you as much. Recall text exchange at 9pm.

me:I am missing you sooo bad. I munched on a grasshopper.
him: im having dinner. NOT grasshopper. maybe i dont miss you THAT much. :-D

Hmmmp.

Plan to sleep but boss asks to be waken up in an hour and leaves the room. Check Gmail. Gmail a letter to yourself. Go to other room and assist another co-worker with her own Excel relations.

Shake printer. Print some more. Change background color to green. Select Cliff design. Take a nap. It's 4 am.

5:30am. Wake your boss. Go back to sleep.
730 am. Wake up. Be tempted to jump in the pool. But heed co-worker's advise NOT to. Avoid pasma.

830 am. Breakfast. And toil for the rest of the day.

after all, it's just another day in paradise ;-)