my yellow umbrella and I

even though i've been feeling mostly rattled the past few days, "pestering" friends near and far with seemingly extreme emotional outbursts , i sincerely thank the Universe for "messing" with me. :-D

rattled because sometimes,when the ego takes over, you shamefully(hihihi)take offense where none has been made, jump to the (super) wrong conclusions, analyze and agonize, because your deeply-buried insecurities and fear of rejection, and all those sorts of trauma have come to the surface and you get so confused, dancing back and forth between self-preservation and cowardice and it all just seems so unbearable.

but now, you are fluttering so cheerfully with a silly grin permanently plastered on your face that drives your boss a little crazy and sighing; and you want to find the time and space so you can sit with yourself and let the tears flow, tears of joy. emotional and appreciative over this intimacy that cherishes your vulnerability and cuddles your longing. intimacy that strokes your heart, soothing. intimacy you've always longed for, that somewhere within you you believe you deserve but sadly rarely have.

especially after dead poets' society, most people's motto (spoken, not necessarily lived) is "seize the day!" For me, i guess i should say seize the love [but really :-)]. say it and do it. enjoy the love, the intimacy. let go of fear and accept it. the love that you feel and the love that is given you. because love can be as simple as when you get to meet a special person--one who is kind and decent and loving and honest and generous with affection. one who probably also has his own baggage like everyone but simply exudes positivity. someone who makes it easy and natural for you to share your all of your heart's wishes.

So, seize the love. Not only because you shouldn't want to take a good thing for granted but also especially because sometimes, IT has to go away in september. and there might not be a return date. and you can't just let the rainy days pass you by ;-)

p.s. and that's why i don't want to go to bangkok ;))