How Do You Solve A Problem Like Clarissa?

Friday night, before that perfectly-nice date materialized, i picked up my sister (originally from bacolod,spent some time in the US, but just this weekend coming from batangas) at a bus station because she said she needed to see me. She didn't even care that I said No to Greenbelt and Megamall and instead suggested my usual friday night hangout along Morato. She said yes to that. She really must need me. It wasn't that i was so eager to help her out, i was just curious what she needed to see me about. Did she want her fine, white capri pants back? Is there another family secret she wanted to let me in on? Is another sibling mad at me and did she want to warn me? What what what is it?

It was a disaster from start to finish (or to the point where she paid the bill). First, i picked her up at the wrong bus station. oops. but not my fault. Hers. Calling from the cab, i ask where she is, she answers "the overpass says 'Lungsod Quezon'." What?!? Go ask your seatmate where you are.... Whew! Because the cab had to make a u-turn miles and miles away as that's the nature of Edsa, the rain got to her first. More ranting on the phone. And when I finally 'rescued' her, she cried "oh i hate manila, i hate manila!" Uh oh. it's gonna be a loooong night.

When we got to runes, there was a private party (hmp!), so i took her across the street, to my future fortress--Baang Coffee. the second her butt touched the lemon yellow one-seater sofa, she exclaimed "Sister, i think im having a mid-life crisis! I hate everybody! I hate my friends of 20 years! I hate people!" Oh. Okay. And then she goes on litany after litany about her friends, her terrible terrible out-of-town trips, her household help (she's stupid stupid stupid!), her nagging eldest son (my fave nephew), her 'bitch'-of-a-client, et cetera et cetera et cetera. For 20 minutes, while my stomach was growling. Finally, i went down and ordered for us. And it should have made her feel better that i ordered just the sandwich and tea that she liked and needed. But no, she had to pick on my salad. Apparently, the croutons weren't crunchy enough for her (hindi ganyan sa States!) and could i please slice the leaves smaller first? Fine. She then complained about the dressing. "you didn't pour on the dressing." But i didn't want the dressing! And it was MY salad! Grrr... grrr... so she went back to her crab and apple sandwich. What? the other half doesn't have an apple?!? Oh, and this is 'fake' crab meat. Tsk tsk.

Oh am i glad i didn't have any insecurity issues with her or with myself. Else, I would have castigated poor me that my choices suck, and that I'm never good enough. Hihihi. Instead, i laughed silently. :-D You'd think these were enough. But no. it's another 20 minutes of angst. It's so funny because if i didn't know any better, i'd have totally believed her, yes, hook line and sinker. There's obviously no need to lie to me, because i know her, and i know what goes on. I know for example how she can be so mean to her household help. How she wants every 'utos' followed all at the same time. And yet, she emotes like she's the nicest and soft-spokent boss in the world. How could she be so unaware??? Sigh.

But still, I listen, i smile, i ask questions like really?, i say ahay (ilonggo for a really sad oh-im-sorry). and then I tell her she should go see this Psychic. But she didn't want a psychic reading. she wanted to go to Dulcinea for dessert. (even when baang serves a marvelous black forest cake, hmp). So i offer to pay part of the fee. i said, i never do that to anybody, you have to have a reading. someday soon, you'll thank me for it. She finally relented, but first she had to find a cigarette. That is, after WE text this client of hers. "This is why i wanted to see you, sister, you have to help me compose a message for her." She wanted the right amount of taray and professionalism in one powerful message. I couldn't believe it. Coming from a very intelligent woman who is my taray-model all of my life. She needed my help. What has the world come to? The world has gone topsy- turvy indeed. 9 years ago, the summer before my freshman year in College, i stayed with her here in Manila. she knew Manila and she showed me her world. But now, it looks like i was taking care of her. This time, it was I who knew. Hmmmm....

Unfortunately, there were eight souls between her and the psychic that night. we didn't want to wait that long. so we went to chili's to have margarita. At first, she wanted margarita A, but when the waitress came over, she changed her mind and ordered margarita B. A few minutes later, she saw this margarita X in the menu, had a waitress come over and asked what it was. turns out, margarita X was actually margarita A! "oh i should have gotten that! that's the one i like!" could my eyes roll any longer??? Haaaay....

But anyway, she was relatively calmer. This was my chance! my chance to let her know that i support her but that sometimes, she could do better, be nicer. From my mouth, out came the magic phrases, "I know you hate to do this, but maybe it won't hurt once in a while" or "Maybe you should ask yourself what you really expect, and if those expectations are realistic?" and another, "I totally agree with you about that, but it's no use ignoring it, you have to talk it over with him or with her...." So for a few minutes, we both were pleased.

Except that i couldn't finish the mug of margarita and she has this need to put down people so she says "oh, so you don't really know to drink???" Proudly, she adds "Si biboy (her teenage son), grabe, expert!" I didn't even want to show off or make like drinking too much alcohol is the coolest thing, but i can drink and i do. Just not margarita. i never liked it after i got pissed drunk in boracay 3 summers ago. i should have ordered vodka. hmp!

Another half hour or so and we were ready to go. When she saw the bill, she said, "I should just have gone to the Psychic!" Lalala lala....

I sent her home to another sister's place. I wished she felt better. But I was pleased with myself. I thought I did quite well. My rewarding date that followed told me just that ;-)