back when they were grownups

My big brother is here. I mean my other brother. The one who first showed me the meaning of the word terror. hehe. i dont know why, but i was so scared of him. he could render me speechless and motionless by just one cold look. poor little aquarian me. I was in highschool when he got married, and things got better. His wife was my confidante. and when he'd ask me to trancribe the lyrics of some songs, i felt very useful :-D

I see him again and his wife and my niece after 1995, and they bring me my US-born nephew. It’s ‘comforting’ to see one of 9 siblings having a ‘normal’ loving relationship with his partner. I observe them having disagreements (card or cash? Lunch now or rest first? Quiapo or Greenbelt?) and I am very much amazed that a Capricorn woman and an Aries man can be together 17 years and look satisfied, and well, so ‘together!’ My brother, giving in to Capricorn, says, “Okay, basta ikaw,” or “Sige, whatever you say” with that unmistakably sweet tone. It reminds me of my late father, that’s how he had always been with mother dear. I wish my other siblings have that too :-(

the first timei heard he was coming home, i was a bit apprehensive. He was mad at me for most of my college years and so i wasn't really that excited. Lecture not welcome.

Making arrangements for their hotel and domestic travel, i feel almost powerful. now he doesn't treat me like a little sister out to do his errands. instead, i am a consultant. and what i say rules. :-D

It amuses me whenever this sister of mine would call me and 'emote' about how our mother favors another sister (i have 7 sisters too many!). Actually, all of them insist that one or another sibling is the favorite, and they all have their versions! Kids! Haha!

I feel old, older than any of them. I feel like i understand life and human nature so much more than they do. These siblings of mine, they were the achievers that i never was, and yet, I feel like they have so much to learn about living and loving. Some of them call me about their problems, and sometimes, I have to be careful when talking about life concepts because they may not understand right away. Sometimes I am disappointed when they're being judgmental or narrow-minded about the things I myself, have learned to be compassionate about, like loving an un-ideal person, falling out of love, ending relationships, loving more than one, and making unpopular choices. And I hate it when they're being too hard on themselves. They deserve better :-(

I can see thru their words, their attitude, the pain in their anger, the longing in their voice. i understand each of them, (even this other sister estranged from me), coming from what they've gone thru. this understanding doesn't make me love them more or love them less, but i am cool with them all.

At age 3, staying at the hospital with my dying grandmother, I used to pick a fight with the nurses because they kept insisting Im # 10 (tenth child) and I, defiant, would argue that Im #1. Even as a kid, i guess, i knew what i was talking about.